


It's a Mad, Mad Season

by tamibrandt



Series: Alice In Chains on Tour '93 [2]
Category: Alice in Chains
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27240835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamibrandt/pseuds/tamibrandt
Summary: After AIC takes a hiatus from touring, Layne is lost and goes with Johnny to try and kick drugs cold turkey out in the wilderness only to return to his old ways when they get back to Seattle.  Mike McCready thinks he can help Layne by surrounding him with sober musicians.  Jerry finds out about Layne working with Mad Season and gets so jealous he literally goes out to find him and will do anything to get him back.A Continuation of AIC On Tour '93.
Relationships: Jerry Cantrell/Courtney Clarke (mentioned), Layne Staley/Demri Parrott (mentioned), Layne Staley/Jerry Cantrell
Series: Alice In Chains on Tour '93 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989022
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

Layne did what he promised Jerry he would do. He went to rehab after the benefit for Norwood Fisher and the release of Jar of Flies. But, the entire time he was in rehab all he thought about was getting out and getting high again. He’d completed the program and immediately went to Mark Lanegan’s place. Mark made him promise not to tell his bandmates that he fell off the wagon at Mark’s place.

In January, after he’d entered rehab, Layne got an emergency call from home telling him that Demri had been hospitalized for endocarditis and she needed heart surgery. Layne called his accountant and forked over the money to pay for the heart surgery and subsequent pacemaker. After she was given a clean bill of health she was released only to be back in March and put on life support. She bounced between the medicine floor and the ICU. Layne, who had been out of rehab by then, showed up at night to sit with Demri until just before dawn, and then he’d leave. He loved her. He still cared about her, but she refused to be with him. Her last coherent comment was that she didn’t want to see him anymore. When she was released, Layne wasn’t anywhere to be found.

On May 28, 1994, Layne was so stir-crazy he had to get out of the house. He found out Tool was playing at Rockstock at the Kitsap County Fairgrounds in Bremerton, Washington. Layne made an appearance that surprised even Maynard. However, Layne did not look good. By all accounts, Layne looked sickly and when he stepped on stage to sing _Opiate_ with the band, he wore a ski mask to hide his face.

In July, one day before Alice In Chains were set to tour with Metallica, Layne finally showed up to rehearsal completely high. Sean threw down his sticks and refused to play with Layne again. Considering that Jerry and Sean were both alcoholics, who were they to judge him on his drug addiction?

Without the commitments of a band that didn’t want to play with him and a former girlfriend who didn’t want to be with him, Layne stayed up all night getting high and playing video games. He’d go to bed at seven or eight in the morning and sleep until five in the afternoon. At some point, Demri weaseled her way back into his life and his condo. She would tell others that she went over to Layne’s to play housekeeper, but in reality, after she’d twisted him in knots and left him on the string about maybe coming back to him, she’d leave again with drugs to share with her “friends.”

After a while, Layne and Demri drifted apart like always. He decided to get close to another girl. He told her that someday he would get clean for good. He wanted a normal life with a family. He even showed her the drug stash he had in his bathroom. But she started getting on his case about his addiction. That relationship ended as quickly as it started.

Layne had reconnected with Johnny, a bandmate from his old glam band days, and even got on stage with them to sing _It’s Coming After_ whenever they played in a club near Layne. Turns out, he was playing with them so much that a bootleg of one of the shows found its way onto MTV news where Kurt Loder made it into a newsworthy report: _Alice_ _In Chains vocalist seen performing around Seattle with another band that isn’t Alice In Chains_. Technically, all Layne was doing was jamming with friends he knew that wouldn’t bring up his drug addiction.

Jerry saw the news report and showed up on stage with Primus to play _Harold of the Rocks_ at Woodstock ’94 in Saugerties, New York.

Layne wasn’t oblivious. He’d written whole songs about his addiction and his own feelings about what it was doing to him. He didn’t need a reminder of what the drugs were doing to him on a daily basis. It wasn’t until he was so severely depressed that he wanted to jump off the nearest bridge that he finally suggested to Johnny that they go camping.

Johnny, Layne, and two other friends, Alex and Ian went to Winthrop, a small town in Central Washington. Layne was going to detox in the wilderness. It was his thirteenth attempt at rehab and second attempt at doing it cold turkey. He was still using alcohol to deal with the withdrawal symptoms.

While on a beach along Lake Chelan at two o’clock in the morning, Layne broke down in tears. He asked Johnny to move into the condo with him and help him detox. Johnny agreed to move in.

Sometime after that, they met up with Alex and Ian for a food run to a Safeway. Some kid was giving Layne a hard time. So, Layne hauled off and hit the guy. For being so thin now due to the drugs, Layne could still pack a punch. Johnny, Ian, and Alex grabbed Layne and hauled him out of the store, got in the car, and sped off before the police were called. They wound up in a parking lot next to a pickup truck full of kids who were listening to _No Excuses_ full-blast.

They were all gawking at Layne who sat in the front passenger seat. None of the kids could believe it was Layne Staley. That was, until the chorus of the song kicked in and Layne couldn’t resist belting out, “ _Everyday it’s something / Hits me all so cold / Find me sittin’ by myself / No excuses that I know_.”

The teenagers shut up and stared at Layne with their mouths agape. There was no question it was Layne Staley then.

Johnny moved in with Layne not long after that. Johnny thought he was there to help the singer kick heroin, but that went out the window when Layne laid down the rules of the house: Don’t let anyone that wants in, and under no circumstances was Johnny allowed to listen to Alice In Chains. Layne also nixed the idea of an intervention straight out of the gate.

The idea of Mad Season was born in the Hazelden rehab clinic between Mike McCready and John “Baker” Saunders. Baker took Mike to AA meetings. The two of them supported each other in trying to develop a sober lifestyle. When it came time for Mike to leave Minneapolis and go back to Seattle, Baker went with him. The bassist ended up accompanying Mike on a few Pearl Jam tours.

After Baker relocated to Seattle completely, Mike took him to Evan Sheeley’s specialty bass store where he allowed Baker to get whatever he wanted and Mike paid the bill.

Mike contacted Barrett Martin to see if he wanted to form a band. Barrett was all for it since Screaming Trees were inactive at the time. Mike had tried calling Layne even before he and Baker left rehab, but Layne refused to pick up the phone.

One day after Baker had relocated to Seattle, Mike called Layne and a voice he didn't recognize answered. Mike discovered that Layne had a roommate now. He’d call the condo and Johnny would answer. When all he got was, “Layne’s asleep,” Mike just started showing up at Layne’s condo. Johnny quietly let him in to hang out until Layne woke up.

Layne woke up and heard voices. He thought Johnny was maybe watching TV or talking on the phone. When he rounded the corner, he stopped. Johnny was sitting on the couch with Mike McCready.

“What are you doing here?” Layne asked as he glared at Johnny. He had specifically said not to let anyone into the condo.

“I thought I’d run some songs by you. See if you’d be interested in writing lyrics,” Mike replied.

“I’m kind of burned out on music these days,” Layne said as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

“What musician is completely burned out on music?” Mike asked.

“I just spent nearly three years on tour. Not really interested in signing up for a new one,” Layne said.

“No touring, I promise. Just a few riffs. I even got Barrett Martin interested,” Mike said, as he lightly strummed a riff on the guitar he brought with him.

After that, Mike started bringing Baker with him when he showed up at Layne’s condo. Baker would drink a half pot of coffee and fall asleep. He’d still be asleep when Layne woke up.

Layne was not happy about finding Baker asleep on his couch. “Dude, next time Baker comes over, we got to have a rule where he can’t just sit here and sleep all the time because I have to tiptoe around the house all the time and it pisses me off.”

Mike finally, after some heavy persuasion between himself and Johnny enticing Layne into getting out of the house for a while, finally got all four members in one room to jam. When Mike wasn’t at Layne’s condo, he was with Barrett and Baker coming up with instrumental demos. They did their first gig on October 12, 1994, at the Crocodile Café. It was just playing the instrumentals or the chorus of one or two songs, including an instrumental version of Jimi Hendrix’s _Voodoo Child (Slight Return)_ , in front of a small audience to see what worked and what didn’t.

For four Sundays they did a gig at the Crocodile, each time they added new songs in the form of instrumentals until they had an album’s worth. They finally got Layne on the hook when Mike suggested doing a demo tape. Layne nixed that idea and raised the stakes for doing an actual album.

Barrett, Baker, and Mike agreed, but they also agreed the band needed a new name. They had done the Crocodile shows under the name The Gacy Bunch, a play on serial killer John Wayne Gacy and **_The Brady Bunch_**. Mike remembered back when Pearl Jam was mixing Ten in Surrey, England it was during the mad season when the hallucinogenic mushrooms bloomed. So they used Mad Season for the band name.

The band booked recording time at Bad Animals Studios which was close to Layne. They used Pearl Jam’s soundman, Brett Eliason to produce and engineer with Sam Hofstedt assisting. Layne was still working on lyrics to the instrumentals the band came up with. He would go into the control room by himself and work on his vocal parts. He could work the tape machine by himself.

During the actual recording, Brett Eliason was the only one there. Layne would go in the bathroom and get high for hours on end, leaving everyone waiting for him to come out when he was ready. He was pretty open about his drug use at this point.

When he finally came out, Brett asked, “Why? Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“I’m either going to drink or do drugs, and drinking’s harder on me,” Layne replied.

Of the ten songs that were recorded, two of them had additional vocals by Screaming Trees singer Mark Lanegan. One of them was _Long Gone Day_ which was written after Layne had kicked everyone out of the control room and sat down with Mark. Layne wrote a line and then Mark wrote the next line and then Layne wrote the next and so on and so forth until the song was done.

One day, Layne was in the studio lounge reading Kahlil Gibran’s _The Prophet_ when Barrett walked by and saw him.

“I read that when I was a teenager. I especially like the part about the arrows you fire into the world to keep the darkness at bay,” Barrett said.

“I think that being a musician is like that: burning arrows arcing across the sky,” Layne commented.

Layne and Barrett ended up in a deep conversation about what it was like to be a musician with a spiritual message. After a couple of hours, Barrett was definitely convinced that Layne deeply felt he had a spiritual message to convey in his music, even if his lyrics were dark. _The Prophet_ made an honorable mention spot in the song, _River_ _of Deceit_.

At one point, McCready and Johnny tried a secret intervention of sorts and flew a counselor from Hazelden from Minneapolis to Seattle to talk to Layne. Layne agreed to go to Hazelden but was back home two days later saying the program wasn’t for him.

Sometime around Christmas Jerry was working on material for a solo album with himself doing the guitar and bass parts and Scott Rockwell, the drummer of Gruntruck, and his guitar tech recording the tracks. After the initial demo recordings, Jerry and Rockwell booked time at Bad Animals Studios. Mike Inez was there, as were Ann and Nancy Wilson who brought a bagful of wine. Ann never heard the song they were working on before and shocked Rockwell when she did an awesome duet over it.

Toby Wright got a call from Jerry asking if he wanted to work on another Alice In Chains record. The thing was, Alice In Chains went the way of the four winds. Layne was working on Mad Season songs and Jerry hadn't spoken to him in months. Sean was still drinking like a fish. Mike was his only reliable person at the moment. Jerry figured once the other members found out Toby Wright was in town working with Jerry, they’d come running. He’d hooked Sean back into the fold, but Layne was still MIA.

Word-of-mouth had it that Layne was now playing with Mike McCready, Barrett Martin and a bass player named John “Baker” Saunders and they were going by the band name Mad Season. They were going to have a show at RKCNDY on New Year’s Eve that would start at midnight. If anyone was going to get Layne back in the fold, Mike and Sean agreed it had to be Jerry. So, Jerry went to RKCNDY and blended with the crowd.

On December 31, 1994, Mad Season took the stage at midnight after Second Coming opened for them. The stage darkened and Layne greeted the crowd, “Hey, there.”

Jerry felt the spark fizzle to life when he heard Layne’s soft voice over the mic. He thought that part of him was dead after the band took a hiatus. Courtney had tried to get him to talk about what was bothering him, but Jerry wouldn’t open up to her. That fizzling spark almost made his chest hurt. There was Layne on the stage in sunglasses, leather jacket, and fingerless gloves with his hair slicked back and had a full goatee. He was alive, but he was so thin and gaunt. It was worse than Vancouver in 1993.

“Happy fucking New Year!” the club owner yelled into the microphone. The crowd cheered as he left the stage. The band went into _Wake Up_.

The second Layne belted out “ _Wake up young man / It’s time to wake up / Your love affair has got to go_ ,” Jerry wanted to melt. It had been so long since he heard that voice. Then, Layne hit the high notes with “ _For a little peace from God, you plead_ ,” and the scratchy scream after. Jerry could feel the pain in those words from where he was in the crowd.

After the song, Layne said, “Thank you.”

McCready traded his guitar for a double-neck guitar and went into _Lifeless Dead_. Jerry listened to the words and pieced together that the song was about the last breakup between Layne and Demri. He’d heard about her hospitalizations. He also knew Layne still cared about her.

“Happy New Year,” McCready said. “My New Year’s resolution this year is not to fart this entire year, but next year it’ll be a sweet one. You all come back next year and will be able to smell it.”

“So, thanks for coming out tonight. This is cool,” Layne added. “This is called _River_ _of Deceit_.” McCready switched back to a single-neck guitar and went into the song. Layne removed his sunglasses. Jerry glared daggers at Mike McCready when he leaned over and whispered something to Layne at the end of the song.

Layne took off his jacket revealing a vest over a long sleeve shirt and grabbed a black shirt and held it up. It had the cover art he drew for the Above album. “We made some shirts but I think they’re gone. So, if somebody wants this one.” He tossed the shirt out into the crowd.

Layne put his guitar on and tuned it with McCready’s guitar. Jerry was getting more jealous by the minute. This was like watching your girlfriend flirting with someone else right in front of you. Jerry should be up there with Layne, not McCready! The band went into _I Don’t Know Anything_.

At the end of the song, someone brought a box of shirts on the stage. While McCready was tossing them out, Layne said, “Hey Mark, uh, if you’re in here, come up here.”

Jerry was fuming now. Mark Lanegan was a part of this. Layne was working on Mad Season _with_ Lanegan? Watching this felt like someone was fucking his girlfriend. When Mark didn’t appear on stage Jerry’s anger dissipated a little bit, but not by much. This was so wrong. Layne was the singer for _his_ band! What the hell was McCready thinking taking Layne away from him? Sure, they were on hiatus, but instead of Layne getting better, Mike snagged him and was in a band with **_HIS_** singer! He found Layne first!

McCready stowed the empty box away. After a no-show from Mark, Layne said, “Um, this one is really, really new so we’re going to try and do it. It’s my New Year’s resolution not to fuck this one up.” The band went into _I’m Above_.

When Jerry listened to the words, knowing how he and Layne wrote songs to each other. He could take _I’m Above_ to be about him or the band as a whole and how Layne felt after they refused to play with him and went on hiatus. It could mean something else entirely to Layne. But, he could imagine it was that about them.

After the song, the band immediately into _Artificial Red_.

As soon as _Artificial Red_ was done, Layne said, “We’re going to do a song by John Lennon. It’s called _I Don’t Wanna Be a Soldier_.”

There were a few stage divers during the song, but none of them bothered Layne. In fact, it was like Layne didn’t even notice them. McCready played a few seconds of _Sweet Home_ _Alabama_ and then went into _All Alone_ which melded into _November Hotel_ , a twelve-minute blues-infused instrumental jam that even Layne took part in with his guitar. When the song finished, McCready smashed his guitar on the stage.

After the show, Jerry made his way through the audience and slipped backstage. The band was coming off the stage in front of him just as he got back there.

“Layne?” Jerry called out.

The singer’s back stiffened up and he slowly turned around to see Jerry Cantrell standing there. He hadn’t seen Jerry since July. The guitarist still looked the same. All the memories came back: how much he cared about the guitarist, what he did for him, how he’d drop everything when Jerry asked something of him. But then, Jerry, Sean, and Mike had turned their backs on him. Layne eyed Jerry suspiciously.

“Great show,” Jerry said conversationally as he walked up to Layne.

“Thanks,” Layne said softly.

“So, McCready, are you into stealing singers from other bands now?” Jerry asked.

“Well, you weren’t helping him any. I thought if he were around sober musicians it would give him a different perspective,” Mike replied.

“He was supposed to be getting help and instead you snag him,” Jerry said.

“Now, Jerry. It wasn’t like that,” Barrett tried to intervene.

“I don’t tell you how to run the Screaming Trees, so stay out of it, Barrett!” Jerry said.

“You don’t think I tried to get him help? I flew a counselor here from Minneapolis and Layne went back with him for all of two days and then he was back here,” Mike said defensively.

Jerry saw red and lunged at Mike but Layne, as thin as he was, blocked Jerry from advancing. “I was with him from the beginning, Mike. I was on tour with him for three years. I was there when he was at his worst and had to be brought back nearly a half dozen times. It was _me_ that had to get him through those tours. Not you!” Jerry said.

“Guys, I’ll see you later,” Layne said trying to diffuse the argument. Jerry glared at McCready as the three men left. “Why are you here, Jerry — other than to take Mike’s head off?”

“I would have called but you don’t answer your phone. I knew you were here by word-of-mouth. I got some songs I wanted you to hear. I got Toby Wright working with me. I almost got Susan ready to say yes to another album,” Jerry said.

“And you want me back?” Layne finished.

“I’ve always wanted you. What happened before wasn’t about not wanting you. You came to rehearsal high knowing we were getting ready for a tour and I knew you couldn’t do another extensive tour like that,” Jerry said.

“Well, I still won’t sign on to another extensive tour. The shows with Mike and the guys are in clubs that are near my place. I was strict about that with them,” Layne said. “Also, to be honest, I’m still an addict and I don’t want to quit. No one is going to force me to quit.”

“How do your new bandmates feel about that?” Jerry asked.

“I don’t care what they feel about it. They’ve accepted it. I thought my old bandmates would have accepted it, but look how that turned out,” Layne said passive-aggressively.

“Will you listen to what I’ve got down,” Jerry asked in an agitated tone.

“If I even entertain the idea of coming back, what about Sean? He’s the one that openly said he refused to play with me ever again,” Layne said.

“Sean and Mike are the ones who elected me to ask you to come back. They said it would mean more coming from me,” Jerry replied.

“Okay, but I’ve already got a few commitments with this band,” Layne said.

“Here, take this home and just listen to it,” Jerry said handing over a tape. “Let me know what you think.”

Layne watched Jerry walk away from him as he twirled the tape in his hand.

On January 8, 1995, Eddie Vedder hosted _**Self-Pollution Radio**_ , a series of live performances and interviews with Seattle musicians that took place in the basement of his house and were broadcast live by a satellite truck parked outside. Eddie extended a courtesy to Mike and put Mad Season on the bill. They performed _Lifeless Dead_ and _I Don’t Know Anything_. Layne wore his hair in a ponytail on top of his head, a vest over a long sleeve shirt, and fingerless gloves.

Every so often, Layne performed on stage at local clubs with Second Coming, sometimes they did _Man in the Box_ or _Would?_ One time they decided to do _No Excuses_. Layne said that was the first time he’d played the song live in front of an audience that wasn’t throwing things.

Over the next few months Layne, who didn’t like visitors and forbade Johnny from ever opening the door, had a rotation going on. Demri would still show up sporadically when she wasn’t hospitalized just to keep Layne dangling on the string. Mark was coming over. Johnny was finally dreading when he came over because Layne and Mark would go to Layne’s bedroom and do drugs there. On top of all this, Jerry was coming over to lure Layne back into Alice In Chains’ camp for the new record. Layne had told Johnny not to let Jerry know that Lanegan had been to the condo. For some miraculous reason, Jerry and Mark never ran into each other when they entered or left the building.

On March 14, 1995, Above was released for public consumption. It hit number 24 on the Billboard 200 and was certified Gold.

By the spring of 1995, Johnny decided to move out. Between Layne _not_ wanting to kick his addiction and Mark and Demri showing up and disappearing into Layne’s bedroom to get high, it was all depressing and too much for him to deal with. Layne would leave handwritten letters on Johnny’s bed. In one of them, he wrote words to the effect of there being a dark cloud over their house.

When Johnny talked to Layne’s mother about it, she came back with, “You know you’re not helping him, you’re enabling him.”

Johnny sat down with Layne and said, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Layne’s expression was hard to read. He had the impression that Layne was okay with the decision and understood it. The day Johnny moved out was the last time he saw Layne.

While Jerry was working on getting Layne back in the band, he had booked a week’s worth of studio time at Bear Creek Studios in Woodinville to capture the sounds of frogs at the amount of _ten grand_ a day. For their trouble, all they got were the sounds of those frogs.

The first time Layne stepped inside a studio with his former bandmates felt surreal. In the time it took Jerry to get him there, Layne had decided to try rehab one last time. When it came up at a band meeting – that would later be labeled an ‘intervention’ – Susan nixed the idea, telling Layne that forty people were depending on him to write and perform. When Layne’s mother got wind of that comment, she confronted Susan and suggested maybe the band look for a replacement while Layne dealt with his health, Susan told her, “Nancy, you don’t understand. Layne _IS_ Alice In Chains.”

Where Demri was tying Layne up in emotional knots, Susan had him tied up in legal knots making him contractually obligated for everyone involved and responsible for forty-five people, including herself. That was _not_ what he signed on for when he finally agreed to come back to the band. Layne started writing lyrics to some of the songs but wouldn’t fully commit until after a show at The Moore that Mad Season booked at the end of April.

Mad Season played The Moore Theater on April 29, 1995. Several of the record execs and management, including Susan, as well as the band, were in attendance for the show.

The Moore was completely packed, people were hanging from the balcony, literally and figuratively.

Layne stepped up to the microphone and in a soft voice greeted the audience, “Hello,” before the band went into _Wake Up_.

His hair was back to the curls that made him look cherubic and he had a full pointed goatee. He wore sunglass, a long sleeve sweater that looked oversized on him, and a pair of mismatched fingerless black and white gloves.

The band went immediately into _Artificial Red_.

When the band kicked in with _Lifeless Dead_ , he shook his head side to side with the beat and bounced from one foot to the other as Barrett beat the hell out of the drums. He could have been John Bonham’s protégé he was hitting the drums so hard. As always the acoustics at The Moore was so good that when Layne let loose with that first scream, it carried beautifully.

When the audience cheered, Layne said, “You guys seem to be in a happy mood.” The audience cheered again as the band went into _River_ _of Deceit_.

“This song is a John Lennon song. It’s called _I Don’t Wanna Be a Soldier_ ,” Layne said by way of introduction as he took his sunglasses off. Not only did they use a saxophone, but they also used a distortion pedal on the saxophone.

“We’re going to invite a real good friend to come out and sing a song with us. The song is called _Long Gone Day_. Mr. Mark Lanegan,” Layne introduced.

When Mark showed up and Layne gave the Screaming Trees singer a small smile, Jerry was itching to jump up on stage and punch him. If it wasn’t for Mike Inez putting a hand on his leg that he didn’t realize was bouncing, he would have. It took Jerry forever to finally coax Layne into wanting to even do another Alice In Chains record. Jerry shared vocals with Layne goddamn it, and now he had to watch Lanegan flirt with Layne while on stage!

Layne lit a cigarette as _I’m Above_ started. There were two things Jerry took comfort in one was that Layne didn’t have a connection with McCready the way he had and two, Mark Lanegan could _not_ synch up his voice to Layne’s voice for the perfect pitch of two voices becoming one as he could.

“Thank you,” Layne said as he shook Mark’s hand before Mark left the stage. “Let’s hear it for Mark.” The audience cheered.

“Now, I get to play guitar on this one,” Layne said as he went to the side of the stage and put his guitar on, and went directly into _I Don’t Know Anything_.

Barrett beat the hell out of the drums during _X-Ray Mind_. McCready used a double-neck guitar.

After the song, Layne said, “Well, when we left the stage we all agreed that in Mike’s words, ‘This is the most awesome fucking crowd.’” The audience cheered. “No shit. You guys are fucking real cool.” The band went into _All Alone_ that melded into a twenty-minute version of _November Hotel_ after which McCready destroyed a guitar and a Marshall amp.

After the show, Layne went back to his condo and left the press gaggles and screaming fans for Mike McCready to deal with. When he got home, he kicked off his shoes and was about to get settled with a video game and a shot of heroin when someone started beating on his door. Layne put the loaded needle down and looked over at his security camera. It was Jerry at the door. He sighed and went over to answer it.

“So, are you ready to come back yet?” Jerry asked with a double entendre.

Layne looked at him. _Was he ready to go back to Alice In Chains?_ _Was he ready to go back to Jerry?_ Honestly, he missed Jerry. He only hung around Mark because Mark didn’t judge him and at the time, Mark was the only one speaking to him other than McCready, Barrett, and Baker. His Alice In Chains bandmates had iced him out for the past six months or so. So, maybe having Mark there tonight was a way to see if he could get a rise out of Jerry knowing how the guitarist felt about him.

Life for the most part was a lot less complicated around Jerry. Jerry didn’t screw with his head and his heart like Demri did. The thing is would Jerry accept Layne as he was now.

“I’m still an addict, Jer,” Layne said.

“I know,” Jerry acknowledged as he stepped in the room and shut the door, locking it.

“Demri refuses to be with me anymore in a relationship, and I’ve sworn off other women if I’m not with her,” Layne said as he backed up with Jerry stalking him across the room.

“Lucky, I’m not a woman then,” Jerry smirked. “Are you still sanitizing your needles?” He wouldn’t have asked six months ago because he knew generally where Layne had been six months ago.

“Yeah, but I haven’t shared needles with anyone lately. I—” Layne said.

Jerry cut him off with a kiss. A hand went up to tangle in the blonde curls. Layne ran his hands up Jerry’s sides under his jacket. Jerry shrugged out of his jacket, letting it drop to the floor. He grabbed fistfuls of Layne’s oversized sweater, only breaking the kiss long enough to pull the sweater over Layne’s head and tossing it on the floor.

“Oh God, Layne,” Jerry said as he took in Layne’s way-too-skinny appearance, trying to ignore the needle and track marks.

Layne looked at the floor ashamed. He knew what his body looked like. A good strong wind would probably blow him over. But, his addiction had gone way past recreational at this point. It was more about keeping the demon of withdrawal away. Unless he was severely depressed on any given day and he binged, all he did was keep the withdrawal symptoms away. The last girl he was mildly interested in said he made her sad because no one would confront him about his addiction.

“Please, Jerry, if this is going to work with us. Just don’t. Don’t judge my choices. I know what I’ve done and it’s not what you think. It’s gone past fun. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. Even if I did, Susan already put the nail in that coffin,” Layne said.

Jerry stripped off his shirt and stepped closer. Jerry hugged Layne close as he kissed him. Layne walked backward directing them to Johnny’s old room not wanting to see the judgmental look in Jerry’s eyes at the state of his own room. They stopped by the bed and Jerry dropped to his knees. Layne watched as Jerry opened the jeans that were a little too big on him. Jerry pulled them down along with the boxers and wrapped a hand around Layne’s dick.

Jerry stroked Layne’s dick in a torturously slow motion. “You don’t realize how gorgeous you are inside and out. I have always accepted you for you. I just wanted you to be healthy. I wanted you to get better. If you insist on going on like this, I can’t stop you. I want my partner back. I need you back. Nothing else I could put out will be ever half as good as what we could do together,” Jerry said softly as Layne sat on the bed.

Jerry sucked Layne’s dick until he heard the singer moaning. Then he stood up, stripped his jeans and underwear off, and climbed up on the bed, straddling Layne’s hips. He leaned down and kissed Layne.

Layne moved to kiss and lick on Jerry’s neck, softly confessing, “When you all didn’t want to work with me anymore, I was so depressed I wanted to jump off the nearest bridge. If it wasn’t for Johnny, I would have. I tried to do it cold turkey again in the wilderness. When we got back here, I just went back to my routine. I know you’re not happy with McCready and Barrett, but they gave me something to focus on. And then, with Mark, I was serious about not losing me to him. He and I were never like that.”

“Shh, Layne. It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I admit I was jealous as hell that you would play with them but not us. I wanted to punch Mark and McCready so badly. I should have been up there playing and singing with you. That was _our_ thing,” Jerry said.

“I know,” Layne said softly. “Now, are we going to fuck or are you going to keep me hard until the end of time?”

“We don’t have any lube,” Jerry chuckled.

“You came here with plans to seduce me and weren’t prepared?” Layne raised a brow.

“Actually my plan involved begging if necessary,” Jerry admitted.

Layne let out an exaggerated sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll come back, but I’m going to do it my way. I don’t want middle management involved with this album. If we do it, we do it ourselves. I’m fine with Toby being there and I’ve worked with Hofstedt before with Mad Season, so he’s okay.”

"Okay, Layne. I can deal with that,” Jerry agreed.

“Now,” Layne grabbed Jerry and rolled them over, and kissed him before getting up.

“Where are you going?” Jerry asked anxiously.

“Someone forgot to bring lube to a seduction scene, so now I got to go find some,” Layne smirked, winked, and hurried out the door.

Layne returned with a bottle of something that could pass for lube. He crawled between Jerry’s legs. Lust-glazed eyes locked Jerry’s as Layne wrapped his hand around Jerry’s dick as he leaned down and sucked on the crown.

Jerry involuntarily bucked his hips at the eagerness the singer displayed when his shaft was enveloped in wet heat. A moan filled his throat while his cock filled Layne’s as Layne sucked all the way down the length until Jerry felt the back of the singer’s throat. He caressed Layne’s shoulder and neck, combing his fingers through the blonde curls. 

Layne’s hand skimmed along Jerry’s side and stomach then down to stroke the base of the guitarist’s notable shaft, cupping the balls in his palm. He sucked and licked the bobbing erection, vaguely aware that Jerry’s fingers were buried in his hair, as his other hand stroked his neck, and back in turns as Jerry thrust up into his mouth.

Layne blindly spread the liquid on his fingers and carefully worked Jerry open. He kept going until Jerry was mindlessly straining for that elusive orgasm. Layne slowly sucked up off Jerry’s dick. He sat up and watched as his dick slowly sank into Jerry. He closed his eyes as the memories of the many times he’d done this before assailed him.

Jerry caressed Layne’s cheek, down his jaw to his neck. He pulled Layne down over him, kissing him as Layne rocked his hips, thrusting deep into his body. Jerry squeezed Layne’s hips with his thighs as much as he dared to. He skimmed his nails along Layne’s back as he felt the singer’s mouth on his neck sucking a hickey there, marking him.

“Layne, I’m going to cum soon,” Jerry announced as he kissed Layne’s temple.

Layne leaned up on a forearm while the other gripped Jerry’s hip so hard the guitarist knew for sure there would be finger marks on the skin. Layne thrust into him faster and harder. Jerry reached down and stroked his dick as Layne fucked into him. Their mouths met in a passionate kiss, Jerry moaned as their tongues met. Jerry scratched his nails down Layne’s back as he released, cum streaking between them. Layne broke the kiss, carefully extracted himself from Jerry, and stroked until he came over Jerry’s stomach.

Layne settled down beside Jerry as the guitarist kissed the tattoo on his shoulder. “Do you really want me back?” Layne asked.

“Of course I want you back. It wouldn’t be Alice In Chains without you,” Jerry replied.

“Not that, I mean knowing that I’m a junkie and knowing how far gone I am, do you really want me back?” Layne clarified.

“Yes. You’re my best friend, of course, I want you. I’ve always wanted you, _and if we change, well I love you anyway_ ,” Jerry crooned which made Layne laugh. Jerry smiled. “Why are you laughing?”

“Johnny and I were in this parking lot and some kids were blasting _No Excuses_ , and I could hear them talk about whether it was really me in the parking lot, so when the chorus came on I just belted it out on cue and in line with the song, and shut them all up,” Layne laughed even more at the memory.

It never failed to surprise Jerry about the little things Layne did to make some kid’s day whether it was singing with a kid in the front row or helping a stage diver get on the stage, ask the kid questions as if he were a contestant and the kid dive off again or, apparently, singing his own song in a parking lot and possibly changing the lives of a group of kids wondering if it was really him or not.

“Yes, I want you back, addiction and all. No matter what the tabloid press says, your addiction doesn’t define you,” Jerry said.

“Okay,” Layne said as moved closer to Jerry’s warmth and slept more restfully than he had in months. He still had that foreboding feeling that there was a dark cloud over his condo. But it was pushed back to the recesses of his mind now that he and Jerry were seemingly back together.


	2. PostScript

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some side notes about Mad Season . . . .

Some side notes about Mad Season . . . .

Before McCready showed up on his doorstep, Layne was trying to kick drugs during his second attempt at doing so cold turkey. Which as we all know didn’t take. McCready was hoping that being around musicians who had successfully been through rehab, it would make Layne want to achieve sobriety. But, Layne dug his heels in and remained a confirmed addict. I don’t know how heavy his drug use was during his time with Mad Season. I do know it wasn’t as bad as it was in 1996, but he was working his way there.

If you’re wondering why Layne and Jerry seem like they were from the AIC Tour 93 story it’s because I ended up making this story a continuation of that storyline after several failed attempts at starting fresh. I don’t dictate to the muse. The muse dictates to me. It also means when I get to the story of the making of Tripod (which this story ends on and one of the many reasons Jerry wanted him back), it’ll probably be another continuation. If you’ve seen my other works posted on AO3, you’ll notice that I have 5 books in one saga (The muse is being fickle about finishing that last book as well as another book in another series), so yes, my muse likes long, drawn-out stories set in the same ‘universe.’

If anyone has the Deluxe Edition of Mad Season’s Above album, then they already know this.

When McCready, Martin and, Saunders approached Layne with instrumentals of some of the music they had been jamming on before he sang with them, McCready told Layne, "You do what you want, you write all the songs and lyrics. You're the singer.” Layne being Layne, he never did anything in half-measure. Layne went in, and what came out were these hauntingly beautiful songs.

The album's gloomy, black and white cover art featuring a couple tongue-kissing was illustrated by Layne. The drawing was based upon a photograph of Layne and his ex-fiancée, Demri. The album's title comes from the song _I’m Above_.

Layne is credited for writing all the lyrics on the original release within the liner notes of the 2013 deluxe issue. As was the case with much of his work with Alice in Chains, Staley's lyrics dealt with his struggle against addiction as well as other personal troubles. Lyrically, much of _River_ _of Deceit_ was inspired by Khalil Gibran's _The Prophet_. Vocalist Mark Lanegan of Screaming Trees contributes guest vocals on _I’m Above_ and _Long Gone Day_ ; he is also credited for co-writing the music to those tracks along with McCready and Martin. Lanegan also wrote the lyrics for the three bonus tracks on Disc 1 of the deluxe issue - _Locomotive_ , _Black Book of Fear_ , and _Slip Away_. R.E.M. guitarist Peter Buck is credited for co-writing the music to _Black Book of Fear_ along with McCready, Martin, Saunders, and Lanegan.

 _All Alone_ was just an instrumental like _November Hotel_. But then Layne went in and added the barest minimum of vocals and made it haunting.

Like Jerry, I think Barrett understood Layne, maybe not as deeply as Jerry does, but deep enough musician to musician. Barrett once said that when he stood at the side of the stage he could hear Layne’s vocal resonance come out of his body louder than it did coming out of the speakers, Layne’s voice was that powerful.

Barrett Martin’s best personal memory of Layne: “came when we were making the Above album and he was in the studio lounge reading Kahlil Gibran’s iconic book, _The Prophet_ , a book I highly recommend everyone read at some point in your lives. I told him I had read it as a teenager, and I like the part about the arrows you fire into the world to keep the darkness at bay. Layne said that as musicians we were like burning arrows, arcing across the sky. We started talking about what it meant to be an artist with a spiritual message and I can tell you that Layne deeply felt that he had a spiritual message to convey in his music, even if his lyrics were dark. And that is because darkness must exist first in order for light to emerge in contrast to it; the two are inseparable parts of the same continuum.

“This theme is evident in all of Layne’s songs, both with Mad Season and Alice In Chains, and that is because he existed in a realm between darkness and light, a place where he could see both. So please remember this: Layne was very young when he wrote and sang those lyrics, he was only in his mid-twenties, and yet he said a huge amount with that incredible voice. Listen to his words, because he was singing a particular kind of truth that anyone who has lived under difficult circumstances can understand.

“Several years after Layne’s passing I got a call from an old friend in Massachusetts who had a couple of young children. While on a family drive through the countryside, he was playing the Above album when the last song on the album, _All Alone_ , came on. One of the little ones in the back seat asked if there were angels singing on the song, a question that he relayed to me over the phone. “Yeah, he was a certain kind of angel,” I said, “a dark one perhaps, but an angel all the same.”

Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine called Layne “an angry angel.”

I’ll touch more on my thoughts and views on the next story. Otherwise, I’ll get ahead of myself, and the next thing you know I may as well be writing another 5-book saga in personal notes.


End file.
